Science Fiction
by royapotter
Summary: Neville had two worrying questions Where were they? and Why the hell was Voldemort wearing women's clothes? NLxHG GWxHP VxRW? HGxDM Based on Rocky horror...


I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE J.K ROWLING'S HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS OR R.K.O'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

Harry potter and the Rocky Horror Picture show Fan fiction Spoof (MUSICAL)

Darkness has conquered

Once upon a time there were two young adults named Neville and Hermione in the little and normal town of Denton. But little did they know that the next few days would be a memory they would never forget…

On 19th June 2007 the wedding of Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevey took place on the out skirts of Denton on a fine summer's day. Neville Longbottom played best man whilst Hermione Jane Granger was maid of honour. When the celebrations had finished, the married couple and the rest of the gatherers stepped outside of the Old, rustic looking church and were faced by showers of confetti.

"Congratulations Colin. You've done well. And I hear Luna's a fine cook!" Neville remarked, grinning and slapping Colin on the back.

"Well to be honest with you Neville, that the only reason I showed up!" Colin laughed heartily. Neville knew this was meant to be a joke but there was something serious in his voice. As Luna through her bouquet of flowers into a group of screaming girls, a wedding car pulled up. It was obviously charmed because it had slogans written in flashing lights appearing all over the surface like, "CONGRATS!" and "Don't do anything we wouldn't!" Neville and Hermione waved off the friends and found that they were mysteriously alone together. There was an embarrassing silence, as Neville appeared to be very interested in a passing bird. After what felt like an awkward hour of complete silence, Neville spoke, "Hermione…"

"Yes Neville?"

"I've got something to say…"

"Uh huh?"

"I really love the…erm…skilful way…You beat the other girls, to the Bride's bouquet."

"Oh. Oh Neville!" Hermione cried in awe and flung her arms round Neville as the church caretakers came to clean up the mess.

**SONG: Dammit Hermione**

**#Neville: The River was deep but I swam it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: The future is ours so let's plan it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: So please don't tell me to can it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: I've one thing to say and that's: Dammit, Hermione I love you!**

**Neville: The road was long but I ran it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: There's a fire in my heart but you fan it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: If there's one fool for you than I am it**

**Caretakers: Hermione**

**Neville: There's on thing to say and that's: Dammit Hermione I love you.**

**Neville: Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker **

_**(Pulls out ring)**_

**Hermione: Oh!**

**Neville: There's three ways that love can grow**

**That's good, bad or mediocre**

**Oh H–E-MI-O-NEE I love you so-oh-oh**

_**(Hermione gawping at ringed finger)**_

**Hermione: Oh, It's nicer than Luna had**

**Caretakers: Oh Nev**

**Hermione: Now we're engaged and I'm so glad,**

**Caretakers: Oh Nev**

**Hermione: That you met Mum and you know Dad**

**Caretakers: Oh Nev**

**Hermione: I've one thing to say and that's: Neville, I'm mad, for you too**

**Hermione: Oh Neville!**

**Neville: Ooohhh…Dammit**

**Hermione: I'm mad!**

**Neville: Oh……Hermione!**

**Hermione: For you**

**Neville: I love you too-oo-oo**

**Hermione: Dammit**

**Neville and Hermione: I love yoooouuuuu#**

And so…Hermione and Neville set out on their new adventure…Meeting Hermione's parents. But they soon realised things weren't as they seemed. They were driving Mr Weasley's old blue ex-flying ford Anglia through the pouring rain when they realised they had a punctured tyre.

"Damn, I knew I should've got that tyre fixed!" Neville exclaimed.

"Oh god. We're in the middle of nowhere. What are we going to do??" Hermione asked, frightened.

An Idea struck Neville, "Hang on, didn't we pass a scary looking castle on the way here?"

"Let's go back there and ask if they have a phone we could use." Hermione agreed confidently.

"Ok…But there's not much use in both of us getting wet."

"Look. You might meet some gorgeous woman and I may never see you again!" Hermione said grinning. The couple laughed at this, and made their way to the castle a little up the road.

As they got to the gates (which bared a sign saying "enter at your own risk"), Hermione looked up at the castle. The spookiness of it reminded her of a muggle film she had once watched. She got out her wand just in case when an idea struck her. "Hey, doesn't this place look exactly like …"

"Hogwarts… yeah…." Neville said, obviously as freaked out as his wife.

"Come on, we need to get to a phone!" said dragging Neville through the gates. Reassured by Hermione's courage, Neville marched on, accompanied by his fiancé, up to the castle.

**SONG: Over in the Hogwarty place**

**Hermione: #in the velvet darkness, of the blackest night.**

**Moving bright, there's a guiding star**

**No matter what or who you-ou are**

Neville** and Hermione: There's a light**

**Over at the hogwarty place**

**There's a light**

**Burning in the fire place**

**There's a light,**

**In the Darkness, of everybody's life#**

_**Repeat**_

As Neville and Hermione made their way to the huge rickety door, Hermione looked up and spotted a shadowy figure in on of the castles' many windows. But she brushed it away and followed Neville to the door.

Neville knocked the brass knocker four times, his wand ready in the other hand. A few seconds later the door opened with a creak and they were greeted by a man. With his blonde hair somewhat receding and his pointed chin, the couple recognised him straight away as Draco Malfoy.

"Why hello." Malfoy spoke in a drawling voice.

"What are you doing here?" Neville asked bitterly, his knuckles whitening on his wand.

"I live here as a servant for my master. He paused and looked at Hermione in disgust. "You're wet"

"Yes…It's raining." Hermione remarked, her teeth chattering from the cold.

"I think you two better…step inside." Malfoy drawled. He opened the door for them, staring sheepishly. Neville looked at Malfoy. He had dark circles under his eyes and a hunchback. He couldn't believe what a coincidence it was. What was Draco doing here?

Neville and Hermione walked into the entrance hall. Again, it had a feel of Hogwarts but the decorations differed immensely. It was lavished with all sorts of things from a statue of a leopard to an old coffin. Hermione was shaking "What kind of place is this?" She whispered into Neville's ear.

"It's probably some hunting lodge for rich weirdoes." Neville said, sounding confident. As Hermione walked further she noticed that there was a lot of noise coming from somewhere within the castle.

"Are you having a party?" She asked Malfoy shakily.

"You've come on a rather special night; it's one of the master's affairs." Draco replied.

"Lucky him." Hermione said sarcastically, holding Neville's hand as a voice came from behind her. A blonde woman was sat on the banister "He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Mwah ha ha ha-ha."

Suddenly a chime struck and Malfoy and the woman started to cackle madly as the sounds of the "party" started to get louder.

"I'd like to introduce you to my sister." Draco announced. "This is Magenta."

"But I didn't-"Hermione started

Hermione was confused and Neville looked worried as they watched Draco and his sibling. Neville knew something wasn't right and watched the being he used to hate so much, burst into song.

SONG: The Time turn

**Draco: (Spoken) it's astounding, time is fleeting **

**Madness takes its toll**

**But listen closely**

**Magenta: Not for very much longer**

**Draco: I've got to keep control**

**Draco: (sung) I remember, doing the time turn**

**Drinking those moments when**

**The Blackness would hit me**

**Magenta: and the voids would be calling**

_**(They both open double doors into a hall where the party is taking place)**_

Hermione spoke "Neville, most of these are Hogwarts students! How-…"

**Students: LET'S DO THE TIME TURN AGAIN!**

**LET'S DO THE TIME TURN AGAIN**

Hermione noticed that there was one teacher there too. Flitwick. Her and Neville could not believe their eyes. Where were they? Flitwick seemed to be pointing to things on the blackboard with his wand whilst the other familiar faces seemed to be following a dance routine.

**Flitwick: It's just a jump to the left**

**Students: And then a step to the right**

**Flitwick: put your hands on your hips**

**Students: and bring your knees in tight**

**And it's the pelvic thrust**

**That really drives you insaanne**

**All: LET'S DO THE TIME TURN AGAIN!**

**LET'S DO THE TIME TURN AGAIN**!

**Magenta: It's oh so dreamy**

**Oh fantasy free me!**

**So you can't see me, no not at all**

**In another dimension**

**With voyeuristic intension**

**Well secluded, I see all**

**Draco: with a bit of a mind flip**

**Magenta: You're into the time slip! Mwah ha!**

**Draco: And nothing will ever be the same**

**Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation!**

**Draco: Like you're under sedation!**

**All: ****LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!**

**All: LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!**

"Oh my god Neville there's Ginny!" Hermione screeched. And sure enough there was Neville's ex crush wearing a sparkly top hat and clothes to match. Her short red hair was standing out a mile. They both ran over to her before she started to sing,

**GINNY: Well I was walking down the street, just having a think**

**When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink**

**He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise**

**He had certain charm and the devil's eyes**

**He stared at me and I felt a change**

**Time meant nothing, never would again**

**All: ****LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!**

**All: ****LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!**

_**(All fall to floor)**_

Neville couldn't believe his eyes. What were all these people doing here? He felt a lump in his throat as he thought about Ginny

"Neville." Hermione said. "I want to go home. I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!"

"Hermione, listen. Ginny's here. It's probably a school reunion. There's nothing to worry about-…" But before Neville could continue, Hermione had turned round and started to scream. Neville's scar started to hurt as he whisked round and saw Voldemort standing there, wearing a black cloak. His red eyes pierced Neville as he smiled wickedly. Neville was ready to fight. He had his wand out but Voldemort didn't look as though he was going to attack. He just smiled as he burst into song.

SONG: Sweet Transvestite

**Voldemort: How d'you do**

**I see you've met my**

**Faithful handy man**

**(Indicates to Malfoy)**

**He's just a little brought down because,**

**When you knocked,**

**He thought you were the Candy Man**

Voldemort: started to strut across the room and the all of the party guests looked excited. Couldn't they see who this was? Neville felt sick and Hermione looked as though she was going to feint.

**Voldemort: Don't get hung up**

**By the way I look **

**Don't judge a book by its cover**

**I'm not much of a man by the light of day**

**But by night I'm one hell of a lover!**

**(Voldemort whips off his cloak and is revealed to be wearing a corset, suspenders, pearls and stilettos)**

**Voldemort: I'm just a sweet Transvestite**

**From transsexual, Transylvania ha ha**

**(Walks up to the flabbergasted Hermione and Neville)**

**Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound**

**I know you're both pretty groovy**

**Or if you want something visual**

**That's not too abysmal **

**We could take in an old Steve reeves movie**

Neville was frozen still. Why the bloody hell was Voldemort here in women's clothes? This must be one of Malfoy's jokes, though even by Malfoy's standards, this was pretty sick. All they wanted to do was use a phone but they had ended up in one of Voldemort's traps. Hermione feinted when she saw Voldemort flirting with Flitwick as Ginny ran over to them

"Hi Neville!" Ginny cried, hugging Neville "what's happened to Hermione?" She asked.

"Ginny, what the hell are you doing here with him? It's a trap! You're all going to die!" Neville cried frustrated with Ginny's reaction.

"Oh Neville don't be dramatic. I know you two have a past but he's changed now! Us lot are working for him" Ginny assured him.

"WHAT? Am I going out of my mind?" Neville was utterly bewildered

"Gotta go Neville. See you later."

Something about Voldemort _had_ changed. Neville watched him intently.

**Voldemort: I'm just a sweet transvestite!**

**From transsexual, Transylvania!**

Voldemort took his place his on a leopard skin covered throne where he was joined by his servants Ginny, Malfoy and his sister. Voldemort addressed Neville.

**Voldemort: Why don't you stay for the night?**

**Draco: Night**

**Voldemort: Or maybe a bite**

**Ginny: Bite**

**Voldemort: I can show you my favorite…obsession.**

**I've been making a man,**

**With ginger hair and a tan**

**And he's good for relieving my, tension**

**I'm just a sweet Transvestite**

**From transsexual, Transylvania**

**(Spoken) So, come up to the lab**

**And see what's on the slab**

**I see you shiver with antici…-**

Voldemort paused mid-word whilst Neville could feel Hermione's breath on his neck

**Pation**

**But maybe the rain**

**Isn't really to blame**

**So I'll remove the cause**

**But not the symptom!**

And with that he left in a puff of smoke. Neville was glad to see that Hermione had come round but was slightly shaken and was in a deep conversation with Ginny. Hermione looked at Neville and held his hand. Neville felt uncomfortable but kissed her on the forehead "It's going to be alright" He whispered.

Magenta Malfoy came up to them, leering, "Let's get you out of those clothes." She said with a smirk and started undressing them. Soon Neville and Hermione were left in only their underwear (which made Neville go scarlet with embarrassment) but were provided with dressing gowns.

Ginny spoke, "You two are very lucky to be invited to Voldemort's laboratory; some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

Neville couldn't believe that Ginny, his friend, was talking this way about someone that she had helped to fight years ago. Maybe he _had_ changed. Neville looked at Hermione and she didn't seem very nervous, in fact she looked very relaxed.

"Is this Hogwarts?" Hermione asked

"Yes." Draco replied. "The school was stopped a few years ago, and now our master lives here…" Draco smirked menacingly. "Come" He beckoned. "The master is waiting for you."

Although Neville felt weary of the situation he followed the rest of the servants and partiers into the iron barred, creaky lift to Voldemorts "laboratory" Whatever that was.

The lab wasn't very spacious and had a somewhat eerie feeling. The rest of the Hogwarts students were watching Voldemort from balconies above and Neville spotted Luna Lovegood who was waving enthusiastically.

"Hey, Hermione." He whispered. "There's Luna!" But before Hermione could reply, Voldemort began his speech.

"Neville Longbottom …and of course, Hermione Granger." and with this he winked at Hermione. "Welcome, my unconventional conventionists! I have been working on this project for some time. Yes I have made accidents but they're all in the past now." As he started muttering to himself, Neville noticed that Voldemort was standing in front of a red sort of box. The whole room was surrounded by equipment. But Neville still couldn't keep his eyes of Voldemort's feather boa…

"And now. The time we have all been waiting for," There was a general mutter of agreement and excitement from the audience. The dark cross dresser continued, "Draco! Wind up the sonic escalator! And pump up the transitional pentagon three more points!"

Unwillingly Draco obeyed and wound up a handle and pushed various complicated looking buttons. Smoke started emitting out of no where and there was a high level of anticipation and excitement flowing through the room. Voldemort's voice rang out again;

"Remember, he is still the same man, but I have cleverly constructed him to be a _proper _man! And soon he will be mine!" And he laughed hysterically.

"What the…?" Hermione uttered.

But before they knew it, the red box was being opened, and what looked like a mummy emerged. Voldemort was laughing still as he ordered Ginny and magenta to undo the bandages. As they unraveled the body carefully, a head of ginger hair appeared. The audience clapped. And Voldemort camply squealed with delight.

"RON!" Hermione cried. Sure enough it was Ron, although he had a tan and looked much fitter. He was also wearing gold metallic hot pants. And nothing else. Neville ran to his friend.

"Neville! Hermione!" Ron shouted, and they were greeted with hugs.

"What has he done to you?" Hermione asked, worried.

"Well he's made a few adjustments, and I think he wants me to be his toy boy!" Ron said, his ears going bright red. Neville fell about laughing. "You've got to be kidding."

"No honestly, he keeps referring to me as "Man candy" I'm bloody terrified!" Hermione was looking at Ron all starry eyed but Ron was interrupted by Voldemort. "Enough of the sentimentals! You are with me now…" Voldemort made his way closer to the scared looking Ron seductively. He looked as though he was going to kiss him when Ron Weasley broke into song

SONG: Sword of Gryffindor

**Ron: The sword of Gryffindor is hanging over my head**

**Servants: That aint no crime!**

**Ron: and I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread!**

**Servants: That aint no crime!**

**Ron: Oh, woe is me. My life is a misery**

**And can't you see**

**That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer?**

**A woke up this morning with a start when I fell outta bed Servants: That aint no crime!**

**Ron: And left from my dream there was a feeling of unnamable dread! **

**Servants: That aint no crime!**

**Ron: My high is low; I'm dressed up with no place to go**

**Aaaandd all I know**

**That I'm at the start of a pretty nig downer!**

**All: sha la la la that aint no crime**

**Sha la la la that aint no crime**

**Sha la la la that aint no crime**

**Aint no crime!**

**Repeat**

Neville had been watching the whole way through the song, as Voldemort had been chasing a reluctant and terrified looking Ron around the room.

"WON-WON!" Voldemort cried. "That is no way to behave on your first day out!" And however sick this whole situation was, Neville and Hermione found it hard to suppress a giggle. This had to be a dream, Neville thought. As Ron tried to escape the clutches of the feisty Voldemort. Voldemort slid his white long fingers down Ron's muscled chest and sang.

SONG: I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN

Voldemort: (Massaging Ron's muscles) A deltoid and a bicep

A hot groin (thrusts Pelvis) and a tricep

Makes me oooohhhh shake!

Makes me wanna take Albus Dumbledore by the…hand

Cause in just 7 days

Oh Ronny

I can make you a ma-a-a-an!

Neville and Hermione watched in astonishment whilst Ron whimpered as Voldemort ran his fingers through his red hair.

DIG IT! If you ca-a-an

Cause in just seven days,

I can make you a ma-a-a-an!

Voldemort seized Ron, raised his eyebrows a few times and was just about to lead him into another room when the massive garage door that was labeled "DEEP FREEZE" burst open. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, came flying through towers of ice on his fire bolt. As he came off of his broom. Ginny shouted "Harry!!!!" And went to hug her boyfriend as Hermione and Neville began to race towards him.

That's as far as I've got! Please review! Please keep checking for updates!!!


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